Oh, and before I start, might I mention that whomever, in downtown Vancouver, and very recently in the last thirty minutes or so just dove for the pavement and stood back up jubilantly shouting "Y-Y-ESSS!" has just found the $40 that fell out of my pocket. It was repayment from my boss for a Fedex I sent and paid for last week, unknown to me that the company already had an account with them. Then today he handed me the two twenties and change; little did he know I was just going to take it outside and cast it to the street. I had been fishing in my pocket for something else I had forgotten when I went outside the building and....oh never mind...I hope if it was you that found my money, that you use it wisely or at least go have a nice meal and a couple of beers. I suggest Moose's Down Under - it's got atmosphere and character as does its Australian owner, and it's underground as the name suggests, sort of in a neat, speakeasy, prohib kind of way. Beer on tap suffices - it's good, it's on me.
So about this blogging thing. This is my very first one. I started one and set it up nicely, agonizing over the colour of the fonts, the actual design, the layout etc., then decided to get back to it later. Then when I did go to start my blog I realized I've started a completely new page with a new name! So there's an empty blog out there, also "cast to the street" if you will, except quite empty, and just as well because I wasn't fond of the name I used. And I don't know if I can call someone and ask them to take it down - it seems like a waste of cyberspace to me.
I called it Writing, Ranting and Rumination or something along those lines, and as soon as I set it up and it was written in stone, I checked around on the web and found out I wasn't the least bit original. Everyone has been writing of course, mostly ranting, and in many cases ruminating. My sort of thing would be more along the lines of "utterances and observances" - sounds more classic, like something the Mad Hatter would be doing in Alice in Wonderland.
Mostly I'm just not very fond of "ranting" - it's too much like "venting", a word which it was never used again except to refer to a machinized mechanism such as an outflowing vent at the back of some hotel, I would be so grateful because "venting" referring to a form of human verbal expression is in and of itself bombastic and selfish. It suggests hurling one's frustrated and angry emotions at another person and have it wash over them like a blast of hot air from a balloon whether they had wanted it or not. "Sorry, I'm just venting! Well now I feel so much better." Meanwhile, the hot air recipient is still recuperating from the assault.
I've been reading a book called "Learning in Relationship" and it certainly makes a distinction amongst the various ways someone can express his/herself to another human being and the author recommends that in order to learn, your expression of your feelings and thoughts be descriptive and also inviting of the other to in turn be descriptive. He then proceeds to outline exactly how this should take place, step by step. I've been asked to read and critique this book by a friend of mine who wants to use the book's principles and ideas in his new consulting company's mission statement. Certainly if it were put into practice in the work place, so much more would be accomplished in any given day.
Also! if I'd personally known this? say, two or three decades ago? and embraced it, applied it? I do believe I would now be able to communicate with my 28 year old daughter and not be shut down every time I open my mouth. I've recently, to be precise, three days ago, finally accepted that our relationship is permanently damaged by years and years of unproductive, wasteful and energy-consuming mis-communication and that all I can do now is stop telling her things that I think might help her and in turn stop listening to the venting! because that doesn't help either, just makes me want to suggest things that might help, then get shut down when I do, then add to my apprehension another layer of confusion and worry. If any of you are women in their fifties with kids, especially daughters, especially troubled ones, in their twenties, does this sound familiar? I'm reaching out here...but really, in fact, it is quite comforting and somewhat of a relief when you actually accept the reality as I have, finally. And now I know I can just shut-up and save my energy. Nothing new here - I'm not an original.
Good communication habits are passed on when they're wee tiny babes just learning to talk.
I need to take care of myself mostly. Truth be known, I've been battling depression and anxiety on an official basis for the last year, and unofficially since I was in my teens, and supplemented the income of at least four or five therapists for the better of three decades. NO, I don't blame the afore-mentioned daughter or her troubles. It came long before she was ever born. I haven't been of great help to her either, and at the same time blaming myself is not going to help either. Life isn't easy, nor was it ever meant to be.
I'm writing a book about this. I've always had a writer's block any time I attempted to start the writing. Then the other day I went to see a Life Coach for the second of five sessions and she gave me some Homework, which consisted of writing down what the concept of invisibility was and what it meant to me. And that's all I needed - of course! I'd always been happiest as a student - I needed both an assignment and permission. Open the sluicegates!
I've much more to say on the subject of communication, state of mind, peace of mind and all that good stuff, but I have to go now. Those things are for other blogs. Now that I've done my first one I'm feeling quite proud of myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment